


Maybe You Were Needed Up There

by areyoutherelarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Concerts, M/M, Miscarriage, Small Bump-Ed Sheeran, Surrogacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyoutherelarry/pseuds/areyoutherelarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis get a call from their surrogate with devastating news. </p><p>003. a scene you’ve always wanted to write but never did</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe You Were Needed Up There

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own them. This is kind of rushed so forgive the errors and I will definitely try to edit it when I'm at home and on my own computer.

They're backstage, in the dressing room, messing around as usual. Niall's shirtless dancing around. Lou Teasdale is trying to coax Zayn into the hair and makeup room, but he doesn't want to miss Niall butcher "Lady Marmalade" while Liam and Louis throw notes and then coins at him. Harry is laughing the whole time but also in this ridiculous yoga pose. Louis glances over at Harry and winks ostentatiously at him. The other three groan and Niall whips a coin at him that catches Louis on the collarbone.

Before Louis can come up with his retaliation, his phone belts out obnoxiously.

"It's Megan," he says curiously.

Megan is Harry and Louis's surrogate. When they had met her, Harry had immediately taken a liking to her. Even though they weren't sure if they were ready at the time.

"I know this is earlier than we planned but she's so motherly," Harry had repeated numerous times before Louis had snapped annoyed at the persistence, but he agreed nonetheless.

Harry falls out of his pose and follows Louis to an empty room that will leave their phone call uninterrupted.

"Hello?" Louis answers.

"What's wrong?" Louis asks. Harry tries to grab his attention, but Louis shrugs him off.

"It's okay." Louis responds to something she says and Harry hates hearing only one side of a conversation.

"Yeah, Harry's with me," Louis says softly, "Are you okay, Megan, you're scaring me."

Harry is super anxious now and he's tugging on Louis's sleeve.

"Oh for Christ's sake," Louis mumbles at Harry and asks into the phone, "Can I put you on speaker, love, before Harry loses his mind and rips my shirt with his worrying."

The answer must be affirmative because Louis is dancing his fingers over the phone and Megan's teary-eyed breathing comes over the speaker.

They share a sad, confused look.

"Megs, what's wrong?" Harry questions.

"Promise you won't hate me forever."

They share another glance.

"No, Megs, we won't hate you. You're doing such a wonderful thing for us."

"Yeah," Louis agrees.

"But the thing is I'm not anymore."

"Explain," Louis orders and Harry shoves his shoulder roughly.

"Please?" Harry amends for him.

"Well, you know I had the check-up and they..." She sobs this time. Not the little hints like before but a full-on sob that takes her minutes to recover from.

Louis wraps his arm around Harry because he knows it can't be good.

"They couldn't find the heartbeat. I lost the baby," she reveals and she sounds incredibly defeated.

Harry presses his face into Louis's neck and Louis more feels the sob than hears it. He blinks harshly.

"We knew this might happen."

"But it's never happened to me. I have three kids of my own and this hasn't happened to me. God, loves, I'm so sorry."

"S'okay," Harry whispers, "Not your fault."

"They say I can try again in a few months. That is if you still want me to."

"Of course we do," Harry assures.

There's a heavy knock on the door and Liam's voice floats through the door, "Boys we really need to start getting ready."

"Megs, we've got to go but know we still love you, we want to do this with you, and we will call you later," Harry promises.

Louis moves to leave; he needs out.

"Not going to happen yet, Lewis," Harry reprimands and Louis lets himself get pulled into Harry's long arms. He finally lets a shudder into the space between Harry's swallows.

"Let's go Haz, I need out of this room."

The show is nearly a disaster. Louis forgets at least one of his solos and Zayn has to pick up a lot of Harry's slack in the choruses. A fan tweet nearly kills Harry when it asks him to sing "Isn't She Lovely?" because it's the ten year anniversary of their time on X-Factor. When Niall sees Harry floundering, he parodies the song with "Isn't He Lovley?". He changes all the lyrics to Harry-centric ones.The crowd eats it up and Harry can turn away and pretend to giggle along. When he's actually gasping for air. After the show, they file into the dressing room their skin tacky with sweat, but they fall into a pile on the couch anyways.

"The fuck, mate?" Niall jeers, "You love that fucking song."

This time Harry doesn't hold back his reaction. Tears stream down his face and the noise coming out of him is wretched. Louis feels his chest tighten and he flees to the restroom. He goes into the handicapped stall, sits on the seat, and puts his head between his knees. He's not sure how long he's there when he hears the bathroom door swing open.

"Lou?" Zayn asks and there are so many questions in that one syllable.

"'M here."

"Let me in," Zayn says and Louis thinks for a second about being petulant, "You know I'll crawl under this thing, but I also know you don't want me to fuck up my knee anymore than it already is by crawling under this fucking door."

Louis shuffles to the door, unlocks it, and immediately shuffles back to put his head between his knees. Zayn sits on the floor leaning against the stall. Louis wants to tell him to get up because it’s fucking gross to sit on a bathroom floor but he’s sitting on the toilet seat. He can’t muster the energy to be a hypocrite.

“You know, Sawyer,” Zayn starts and Louis snorts because of course he knows Sawyer the fifteen month old apple of One Direction’s eye. “Well, like, yeah, but like, he wasn’t the first time Perrie, well, we were pregnant.”

Louis’s head snaps up, “What the fuck?”

“Like back right after we got married.”

“Why did you never tell me… us?”

“Perrie was upset and I think a little embarrassed, or something. Embarrassed isn’t the right word but I can’t think of a better one. I promised her and, dude, she’s my wife so yeah I didn’t tell. It’s what took me so long. Had to call the missus and ask her if it was okay to tell you. Given the circumstances,” Zayn pauses, “Shit, I… Now that I think about it, I hope that’s alright and all. Harry didn’t say it was a secret. ‘S all.”

“No, no, not a secret,” Louis mumbles, “Thanks for telling me.”

“’S not the only reason I told you. I just think I had to share that to tell you I think I know how you feel.”

“Thanks, Zayn, but I don’t think you do.”

“I think that you’re blaming yourself because you think that whatever powers that be took this baby away from you because you were apprehensive. ‘Twas the same with me. Perrie was so excited and I just felt more dread than anything else. It wasn’t that I wanted her to, like, have an abortion but I just didn’t think we were ready. Now, that I say it though I don’t ever know if I would’ve thought we were ready. So like, I was worried and scared out of my mind, but then I also started getting excited. And that’s when we went to the appointment and they couldn’t find the heart beat. That was going to be my first time hearing the heartbeat.” Zayn pauses to pull in a deep breath and wring his hands. “I don’t know I really fucking blamed myself there for a while and the entire time I was doing that Perrie thought I was blaming her. I just don’t want to see you make the same mistake I did. I love you and Haz and you’ll get through this, but it’ll be best if you do it together.”

Louis really wants to heed Zayn’s warning in the coming days and he sees Zayn’s slightly hurt, slightly miffed look more than he’d like, but he’s just not good with inconsolable Harry. Upset Harry that can be cured with a romcom and a cuddle Louis can handle. After all, he’s memorized all the words to _How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days_ and can wrap his arms and legs around Harry like a rejuvenating octopus. This devastated, now somewhat stoic, Harry that shakes in their bed softly when he thinks Louis is asleep, is not something that Louis can cure easily and quickly and that bothers him.

“We should call Megan,” Harry says one morning after spending most of the night in Niall’s hotel room, coming back and sleeping in the chair in the wee hours.  Louis shrugs his shoulders because it’s a stone lobbed at his cracking façade.

“Could you care for one fucking second?” Harry hollers at him. “I know you didn’t want this that you wanted to wait. I know this is my fault but fucking care Lou, please, even if it’s only pretend for me. Or be mad. Or forgive me, please. Just something, I need something from you. Fuck, Lou.”

Before Louis can respond, Harry slams out of their room. Louis sends Zayn an SOS text and Zayn comes to the room shaking his head like parents do after watching their kids crash and burn after prophetic tales of wisdom. Liam follows shortly after with a collection DC Comic movies. They watch in relative silence; Louis puts his head in Zayn’s lap and his feet in Liam’s. Zayn cards his fingers through Louis’s hair soothingly. Their marathon ends when Paul sends them angry texts to get their asses to the cars waiting downstairs.

The tension is thick in the dressing room. Niall is sending Louis death glares while everyone else just stares at their phones or hands or anything but each other.

“Niall, Louis,” Lou sing-songs.

Niall grumbles but shuffles after her, Louis trailing behind.

Niall’s done before Louis, but Louis grabs Niall’s arm as he walks by.

“Need to talk to you,” Louis says desperately.

“Fuck off, mate.”

“’S about that.”

Niall looks incredulously at him, but since Niall doesn’t have a vindictive bone in his body he relents after scanning Louis’s genuine face.

“You’ve got thirty seconds until I’m back to hating your guts.”

Louis explains his idea. Niall goes back to the dressing room smiling. They clear it with Paul and while Paul always seems fiercely determined to keep them on track, he has a soft spot for Harry.

“Let’s take one more fan tweet,” Niall says after their set number. A tweet from Louis pops up.

“I’m sorry Haz,” it says.

Harry drops the cap he just unscrewed. He looks for Louis but he’s nowhere in sight.

All of a sudden, Niall has a guitar and is strumming softly and then Harry can hear a soft piano. The crowd is silent until they recognize the intro to the song and instead of cheers they let out a soft “ahh.”

_You're just a small bump unborn, in four months you're brought to life,_ _  
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes_

Louis’s voice sings out. Harry can see him up where the band usually sits his fingers running over a keyboard.

 _I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can,_ __  
But for now you're scan of my unmade plans,  
A small bump in four months you're brought to life.

            Niall, Zayn, and Liam are all sitting together on the front of the stage, Niall in the middle strumming along to Louis’s playing. Liam’s voice joins Louis’s:

_I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth,_ _  
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you._

Then, it’s all four of them singing together:

 _You are my one and only._ __  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
Oh, you are my one and only.  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
And you'll be alright.

Harry can hear Louis’s voice crack and he tries to figure the quickest way up there. Louis’s voice is still shaking when he goes to sing the second verse:

 _Oh, you're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin._ __  
With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin.  
Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice,  
And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide  
A small bump, in four months you'll open your eyes.

Harry finally slides on the bench next to Louis . He places his hand on the back of Louis’s neck who arches into it. He takes a deep breath and goes into the chorus with the rest of the boys after he’d let Niall sing the pre-chorus on his own.

_And I'll hold you tightly, I'll tell you nothing but truth,_ _  
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you_

_You are my one and only._ __  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
Oh, you are my one and only.  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
And you'll be alright.

Both Zayn and Louis get emotional as they sing the next lyrics:

 _And you can lie with me,_ __  
With your tiny feet  
When you're half asleep,  
I'll leave you be.  
Right in front of me  
For a couple weeks  
So I can keep you safe.

Niall, Liam, and Zayn sing the chorus again by themselves because Louis is truly crying now:

 _You are my one and only._ __  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
Oh, you are my one and only.  
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.  
And you'll be alright.

            Louis takes a deep breath:

                        _'Cause you were just a small bump unborn for four months_

His voice cracks harshly and Harry joins him:

_Then torn from life._ _  
Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why._

            “I’m sorry,” Louis whispers into Harry’s neck.

            “It’s forgiven.”

            “I want to try again.”

            “I love you.”

            “Love you too.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is appreciated!


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